What is Happiness?
Webster defines happiness as “A state of well-being and contentment”.
We tend to look for things to add to our lives to mask our discontentment – material things, people, and circumstances. However, as the news tells, even the folks who have it all seem to be miserable. So where do we find “happiness” when “do what makes you happy” doesn’t necessarily make you happy.
Abraham Lincoln chimed in…
So what is it that we are choosing? What if adding things to our lives isn’t the correct approach? What if baseline happiness is similar to baseline health? When someone has cancer, the doctors don’t add things to the cancer to mask it. Instead, they cut it out – they remove something to get us back to good health. What I believe Lincoln meant is that happiness is a state of mind where we decide to eliminate the things that destroy well-being and contentment?
What if happiness, at least in part, isn’t necessarily the presence of something, but is, instead, the absence of things that destroy well-being and contentment?
Three Things that Destroy Well-Being and Contentment
1) Fear, Worry & Regret:
v Worry of what might happen; what might go wrong. The fact is, we don’t worry about good things happening, and we worry about bad things happening. The reality is most of those things never happen. Worry never help a situation, it only makes it worse in disabling our ability to deal with circumstances. So, have faith that things will work out and stand on the
truth that we can’t control things – we can only influence them
with our attitudes. The better the attitude, the better the influence. 
v Fear of what others think and fear of not being good enough. Most people aren’t thinking about you at all, and if they are, it is far better than what you imagine. We all have unique gifts, talents an abilities and are amazing at many things. Focusing on what we aren’t good at is simply a waste of time. The fact is, you are good enough – all the time. 
v Fear of missing out. What you think something is or what you think
someone else has, and the reality are typically very different things.
That party, that event, that person, house, car, etc. are not as incredible as you picture in your head.
v Regret. A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. Let the guilt go. Forgive YOURSELF. Forgive others. Ask for forgiveness FROM OTHERS where appropriate.
There are 100 more things we could add to this list, but the point is that worry and fear are not useful. Concern and caution are useful cognitive functions, but worry and fear are simply destructive.
Challenge your fears and confront your worries! Ask yourself what you’re truly afraid of or worried about and don’t let it sit there spoiling your attitude and robbing you of well-being and contentment. The fact is, 99.99 % of our fears and worries are 100% unrealistic and unfounded. Remind yourself of that - daily.
2) Expectation:
v Our Expectations. Sometimes the biggest issue we have is being let down by what we expected something to be. What we think our life should be; what we think we should have; where we think we should have accomplished, etc. are all expectations that can lead to discontentment. Our birthday celebration, that new car, that new friend, the new house, the new job, etc. all come with expectations that, if unrealistic and unmet disrupt our contentment.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and take what comes.
v Living up to the Expectations of Others. Trying to live up to the expectations of others – whether real or perceived only results in being too busy, stretched too thin and leaves us with our own unmet needs. Those unmet needs will rear their head somehow – maybe in anger, in addiction, or some other bad outlet. When you live for the expectations of others, you lose your freedom, your standards, and are forced to do things in a way that deviates from your best.
Don’t live for anyone else’s expectations! “Expectation feeds frustration. It is an unhealthy attachment to people, things and outcomes we wish we could control; but don't!” ~ Dr. Steve Maraboli
v Challenge your expectations – is this a realistic expectation? What if it doesn’t get met? What is the worst that can happen (REALISTICALLY)? Can I live with and be content with the worst case scenario? Does this expectation line up with who I really want to be and how I really want to live my life?
3) Lack of Gratitude:
v Focus on Your Blessings - When we forget all the great things we have in our life, we easily start to focus on what we think we don’t have or what we think we lack (and we let fear and worry creep back in and feed unrealistic expectations). Our expectations can get in the way of being grateful what we do have. Sometimes the things we need come in a package that doesn’t quite match the picture we had in our head.
v Keep a constant list in your head of the amazing things you do have (you’ll be surprised).
To Recap…
Being “unhappy” means we have things in our lives that are robbing us of well-being and contentment. Instead of eliminating those things and cutting out the “cancer”, we tend to pile on more stuff – material things, busier schedule, etc. However, happiness is, at least in part, the absence of the things that kill, steal and destroy well-being and contentment.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of [eliminating those things which kill, steal, and destroy well-being and contentment]”.
It All Boils Down to Attitude:
Our attitude must be that of consciously deciding to eliminate and challenge the things work to destroy our well-being and contentment (aka “happiness”).
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."
~ Chuck Swindoll
There is always a netter way to see every situation…
